2014 in 4 Parts

It’s been a long year and now, it’s coming to an end.

Just like every single person, I have my own list of events that had me thankful for. Events that made me think ‘What the hell was I thinking?‘. Sometimes wherein I’d ask myself, ‘How did I manage all that shit?‘. And events that gave me insights and opened my eyes. These events made me grow into the person that I am at this very moment.

I left the very first job I had since I had to sort out my priorities properly. That was a job that I eventually fell in love with. It was hard not to. That job made me realize how much teaching means to me. Whenever I think of the hours that I have to teach, I feel drained. But when I see my students face-to-face, internalizing the things I taught them, asking questions simply because they’re interested and curious, seeing their faces of elation for eventually understanding a hard exercise, and appreciating the hard work that you put into educating them. Suddenly, the hours seem to fly by like seconds. The minutes doesn’t seem enough.

The best part is in seeing your student grow and knowing that in a way, you had a part in that growth. Because teaching isn’t just in imparting knowledge. It’s also in being someone they can genuinely ask questions to because they’re aware that you’re there to assist them.

Sitting became more bearable. I have never been one to sit and stay just to listen to theories being spoken of. Simply because I know that the practical application of these theories are still a matter of years away. But now, I can sit down for a few hours and listen to theories because I know that the application would follow on shortly. With this being said, I’m simply saying that I managed to keep my ass in one organization. It gave me something to look forward to. It gave me the challenge that I’ve been looking for. It gave me the practical side to all the theories.

It’s not just one organization though — there’s quite a few. The similarity that they all have is that in each one of these organizations, I found friends.

FOUR-PEAT. I have never been prouder of my team. Seeing as each of them grow up even just a little and treating each other as family is more than I could ever ask for. That we all joined the team for different reasons, as different individuals with different personalities and beliefs and yet embracing the individuality is simply beautiful.

Seeing the team as they all went through the try-outs, practices, and games made me feel confident and content. That throughout the ordeal, all of us soon shared the same passion — not just the goal. I was confident that we’d win (we’re talking about my pride as captain here). And at the same time, I was content in knowing that even if we were to lose, we’d be giving our opponent a hard time in doing so.

I grew up emotionally. I allowed myself to fall blindly and willingly into what I told myself was love for the very first time. Long story short, it didn’t work out. And I guess it was for a reason too. Since I was able to open up that one time, I decided to give it another try. I wanted to make sure that it wasn’t a fluke — a stroke of luck. Thankfully, it led me to who I am with today.

Just as the saying goes, “‘Good-bye‘ is just another way of saying Hello’.” In that good-bye, I found one of the most beautiful hellos I could ever ask for. And in realizing that he was beside me all along made it all the more hilarious.


Trust Fall

A couple of years back, we had to do an activity. It was called the “Trust Fall”.

The mechanics are simple. You grab a partner, then decide which of you should fall or catch the other. If you’re the one falling, you were supposed to have your back facing the catcher, cross your arms on your chest, and let yourself fall. The catcher would simply make sure you don’t have an impromptu meeting with the floor.

It seemed so easy.

They told us that the same principle applied in the real world. Trust people enough that we are a hundred percent sure that they’d be there to catch us when we fall back.

They never told us that we also need to be strong enough to catch the burden. Because once a person falls back on you, you’re now carrying their burden too.

The catchers don’t tell you that just because they say they’re ready, it doesn’t exactly mean that they’re ready to actually catch you.
Sometimes when we fall, the one to catch us isn’t strong enough. You both then end up getting fall from the hurt.

And the ones that fall? Although they say that they’re ready to fall, it doesn’t exactly mean that they’re ready to actually fall.
They fear that they might be too heavy or that the catcher might be unable to carry their weight.

Some people fall back with their eyes open, not trusting the catcher enough even if the catcher is as ready as they can ever be.

Some people fall back with their eyes closed, trusting the catcher that they’d be ready even if they’re not.

In both scenarios, people get hurt.
The catcher will get hurt since the one falling didn’t trust them enough.
The one falling will get hurt since the catcher lied about being ready.

And in one way or another, we’ve been in both cases. Maybe it’s just a matter of luck. Some people are just lucky enough to fall with their eyes closed towards a catcher who’s ready for them.

And I’m probably one of the unlucky ones.