2014 in 4 Parts

It’s been a long year and now, it’s coming to an end.

Just like every single person, I have my own list of events that had me thankful for. Events that made me think ‘What the hell was I thinking?‘. Sometimes wherein I’d ask myself, ‘How did I manage all that shit?‘. And events that gave me insights and opened my eyes. These events made me grow into the person that I am at this very moment.

I.
I left the very first job I had since I had to sort out my priorities properly. That was a job that I eventually fell in love with. It was hard not to. That job made me realize how much teaching means to me. Whenever I think of the hours that I have to teach, I feel drained. But when I see my students face-to-face, internalizing the things I taught them, asking questions simply because they’re interested and curious, seeing their faces of elation for eventually understanding a hard exercise, and appreciating the hard work that you put into educating them. Suddenly, the hours seem to fly by like seconds. The minutes doesn’t seem enough.

The best part is in seeing your student grow and knowing that in a way, you had a part in that growth. Because teaching isn’t just in imparting knowledge. It’s also in being someone they can genuinely ask questions to because they’re aware that you’re there to assist them.

II.
Sitting became more bearable. I have never been one to sit and stay just to listen to theories being spoken of. Simply because I know that the practical application of these theories are still a matter of years away. But now, I can sit down for a few hours and listen to theories because I know that the application would follow on shortly. With this being said, I’m simply saying that I managed to keep my ass in one organization. It gave me something to look forward to. It gave me the challenge that I’ve been looking for. It gave me the practical side to all the theories.

It’s not just one organization though — there’s quite a few. The similarity that they all have is that in each one of these organizations, I found friends.

III.
FOUR-PEAT. I have never been prouder of my team. Seeing as each of them grow up even just a little and treating each other as family is more than I could ever ask for. That we all joined the team for different reasons, as different individuals with different personalities and beliefs and yet embracing the individuality is simply beautiful.

Seeing the team as they all went through the try-outs, practices, and games made me feel confident and content. That throughout the ordeal, all of us soon shared the same passion — not just the goal. I was confident that we’d win (we’re talking about my pride as captain here). And at the same time, I was content in knowing that even if we were to lose, we’d be giving our opponent a hard time in doing so.

IV.
I grew up emotionally. I allowed myself to fall blindly and willingly into what I told myself was love for the very first time. Long story short, it didn’t work out. And I guess it was for a reason too. Since I was able to open up that one time, I decided to give it another try. I wanted to make sure that it wasn’t a fluke — a stroke of luck. Thankfully, it led me to who I am with today.

Just as the saying goes, “‘Good-bye‘ is just another way of saying Hello’.” In that good-bye, I found one of the most beautiful hellos I could ever ask for. And in realizing that he was beside me all along made it all the more hilarious.

balderdashrants

Of Rationality and Convenience

As a practical and logical person, I’ve always been the type to view things in such manners. I’m practical in my decisions, and though I seem to make a reckless, impulsive move I still manage to stand back up. Because in reality it had never been reckless in my part. I’ve thought of possible back-up plans to fall back to. But there would always be an exception, right?

Love.

Why? Because it simply contradicts what I believe in.

I encounter various types of couples everyday. My friends, my relatives, those from the books that I read, from the shows that I watch. They all depict the irrationality and the inconvenience that this ‘love’ possesses. And yet I they all have the same reason, no matter what it has the same message but with different wordings:

It doesn’t matter as long as you love the person.’

 This line and these people taught me two things about this messed up thing called ‘love’

Love isn’t rational.
It makes you do things that you would never expect yourself to do. I’ve seen my friends, some strangers even, or siblings become irrational because of their significant others. One look at them and I tell myself ‘I do not want to end up like that.‘ They can’t tell me reasons as to why they do what they do. They find it hard to explain their actions. And to me, that’s terrifying. I’ve always had my reasons. I keep tabs on my emotions when I do something even if it’s for the significant other because I fear of losing myself.

Love isn’t convenient.
If anything, it comes at the most inconvenient time. It messes up with your schedule. And a messed up schedule just doesn’t go well with me all the time. I can be flexible with my plans but it just sometimes leave a bad taste in my mouth. It messes up with your priorities. I’ve heard of people transferring schools or taking up majors simply because their significant other is there too. I will be honest and blunt here but what the actual fuck? Seriously? Sorry, I’m not sorry and I know that it’s your life, so those are all of your choices. But the mere thought of it gives me goosebumps. People who are so willing to risk their future for this significant other leaves me mystified.

Of course, these are all from my point of view.

balderdashrants