When Artists Fall

You see, the thing about artists is that when they’d fall for you hard, you are immortalized.

When a singer falls in love, you might just as well find yourself in their songs. You’d see a whole side of you that you never knew and all you can do is to let yourself be lulled in that sweet lullaby that they wrote for you. Their voice will tell you just what you are to them. Lost your favorite pair of earrings? You might just find it lost in the lyrics.

When a painter falls in love, you might just as well find yourself in their canvass. You’d see what you once thought was an imperfection as the missing puzzle piece to their favorite masterpiece. The subtle lines, the playful way that the colors contrast. It’ll all show the hidden shadows in your life that you just want to bury. Having a hard time to smile? The canvass might as well be your mirror.

When a writer falls in love, you might just as well find yourself in their papers. You’d be reading just how much of a menace you are to them. How the thought of you just makes them want to keep on writing all those nonsensical words oozing with sugar and honey. Among all those words, you’d be reading how the hesitant writer falls in love. Slowly at first, then suddenly, they fall all at once. And by then, they’d be to petrified to grab hold of a pen and paper because suddenly, words can’t justify their feelings. You at loss for words? You might find the perfect words amidst the writer’s jumbled thoughts.

Like a Moth to a Flame

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She’ll attract you like a moth to the flame. Then, you’d get burned. But even with that burning sensation, you decide to stay.

Why?

Because it’s the pain that makes you feel alive. It’s the pain that makes you want to stay. You stay because you’d think that maybe — just maybe — the pain that you’ve cause yourself would be all worth it in the end.

She’s the challenge that you’ve been looking for. Before you’ve encountered her, your life was probably monotonous, dull… boring. It was probably a routine you wanted to break out of. Then she came. She became that challenge that’d give you the adrenaline rush that you badly needed. She became the challenge that you so loved to conquer. She became the challenge that you wanted to risk everything to.

You loved the challenge. The feeling of being acknowledged. The feeling that your existence wasn’t merely ignored. Someone actually took notice of you and you pushed yourself to your limits just to continue being acknowledged. Because only when you are acknowledged do you feel alive.

Then the pain became too much.

You gave it all you’ve got to her… or you thought you did, but either way, you’ve gotten tired of it all. You all up and leave, leaving it all behind as ashes to be caught in the wind. You want to stay away from the flame and go back to the dull life you once had. The life that you had before you found the challenge in her. But it’s too late. You’re all dried up. Singed to the bone. You feel drained after all those times that you chased after her. You forget just who you really once were before she came in to your life. Because when you walked away, you just became a hollow shell of what was once you.

You find caring hard… you want to stop caring. Then, you just don’t care at all. You become numb.

She’ll attract you like a moth to the flame. She’ll be the challenge that you wanted — that you needed. Then in the end, you’ll walk away losing everything you once had for yourself. All because you let your adrenaline take the best of you. All because of the flame that challenged the little moth in you.

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A/N: co-written with an awesome friend of mine who wants to stay anonymous, R.A.L. 😉

Art of Letting Go

People, more often than not, mistake the act of letting go as a weakness. They say that it should only be the last resort in any situation that you are placed in. But is it really true for everybody? Is holding on beneficial at all times? Because believe it or not, letting go is also an act that goes to show just how strong of a person you are.

Learning and accepting the fact that that something or someone can’t be yours is a painful reality. And yet, some desperately hold on. They’d cling on to that one thread of hope, grasp on too tightly until they’d leave scars on their hands. They say it’s love. They say that it’s meant to be theirs and that they’re going to fight for it. But do they really believe what their own words or are they only reassuring themselves? Because maybe — just, maybe — they got so used to it that they’ve forgotten how to live a life without that something or someone. They’re scared to lose of what was once constant in their lives.

And then, there are those who can let go. People often mistake these people as the insensitive type. The ones who have no qualms in hurting people since it’s so easy for them to let go. But is it, really? Have the people thought that these people are the ones who doesn’t let their emotions get the better of them? That they’re the type of person who are cautious because they’ve been hurt badly in the past? That, unbelievably enough, they do get hurt when they let go. That, yes, they do — at times — regret letting go. But they know that change will always happen, so they let go of what was constant to them, panic silently at the sudden loss, and then slowly, they let themselves get used to the absence and get their act together once more.

In the end, it’d all boil down to one question, wouldn’t it:

Would you rather follow what your heart feels or would you rather listen to your brain’s reason?

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Habit of Poison

Cut yourself open and let yourself bleed. Get rid of the poison that got in your bloodstream. It’s time to say good-bye to the poison that you attached yourself to, and say hello to a better you. It’ll hurt like hell but always know, nothing good in life comes for free.

You didn’t know that she was poison; well, now you do. It’s too late to take it all back. She was the poison, you were her victim. Were you happy? Did you hurt? Was it all worth it in the end? Because now, it’s time to say good-bye to the poison you drugged yourself with.

Let yourself bleed, don’t stop the flow. Don’t disrupt yourself from letting go. You got too attached to the poison that was her; now, you don’t know where else to go. But you need to know that the feeling’s gone, it’s just a habit.

It’s all nothing but a habit now.

Loving her became a habit. Don’t delude yourself. You DO and WILL have a better life. Don’t lie to yourself, stop holding on too tight. You’re only hurting yourself — you’re making yourself your own victim.

Don’t wallow yourself in self-pity and uncertainty. You’re better than that. You may not know it but you are. I know you are.

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Poison

Her pretty face. Her cute doe eyes. Her messy, unkempt hair. Her witty remarks. Her unusual quirks. Her spontaneity with situations. It’ll all draw you in, and you can never back out. You’d love to tame her but you can’t. No one can.

Poison.

That’s what she is. She’ll crawl through your veins, invade you without you knowing. She’ll slowly eat up what you kept dear and you wouldn’t even mind it. She’ll kill you slowly from the insides and you’ll love every second of it.

It’s what she does.

It’s what she is.

She’s poison, and you’re her victim.

It’ll be too late to get her out of your system. You’d have to cut yourself open and let yourself bleed. And the worst part?

You’ll never get rid of her entirely.

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A Broken Promise

A broken promise.

That’s what this is. Though we promised ourselves to each other, we just can’t be together. Obligations and responsibilities stand in the way and I just can’t ignore it. But I believed that it would be the best for us. For you.

It’ll always hurt to see you with her. I won’t deny that. I’m no hypocrite where my emotions lie and I certainly know the feeling of hurt when I feel it. Maybe it’s because I didn’t expect for it to happen or maybe because I was still caught up in our fairytale then. But either way, our fairytale’s over and we just can’t bring it back anymore.

I love you.

I always had.

I always will.

Because no matter how hard I tell myself to stop loving you, I just know that deep down no matter how wrong it is for me to still love you despite our circumstances, it just still feels so right. It feels so right that it hurts.

You didn’t even know the real reason why I went away, and thinking about it now, you never have to. Because as long as you’re happy then, so am I. I won’t get in the way of your happiness.

I’d rather be the one hurting, loving you from afar than for it to be you. You don’t have to know the truth.

All you have to know that I’ve broken a promise.

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A/N:
It was a spur of the moment thing. This is based on the alternative ending of a fanfic that I’ve read entitled A Few Angry Words
The alternative ending can be found in chapter 43 and it‘s just so painful to read that chapter. And since I’m one for angst, I thought that it might be not a bad idea to write something in Hinata’s POV or just her thoughts for that matter seeing that I haven’t written fiction for years now.

I decided to not really delve in on specifics. I wanted to keep this generalized so that it may also stand independently from the aforementioned fanfic. I wanted to think of this as a letter for Naruto never meant to be read by him. Just Hinata’s little secret.

If I Could Give You the Gift of Time

ImageIf I were to give you any gift at all, I would give you the gift of time.

Time is a fickle thing. One moment it’s there; the next it’s gone.

I would give you the gift of time. As time passes by, it can either strengthen or weaken your beliefs. It may make you forge new ones or even lose some. You will learn to stand firm and true to your beliefs. Because a man who doesn’t have his own set of beliefs can be easily uprooted in this harsh reality we call life.

I would give you the gift of time. As time passes by, you will form strong friendships. New friends will find you and the old ones will learn to cherish you. Some may stay and some may go but each one of them will teach you a valuable lesson. No matter how long or short the stay, the footprints left won’t fade away. Because only a fool would lose someone without learning something valuable in return.

I would give you the gift of time. As time passes by, you will value your health more and more. We’re not getting any younger nor are we getting a new body to replace our sickly ones. Don’t let your health deteriorate away with time. Take good care of it because our bodies are our temporary houses is this world. Without our bodies, we’d be as pitiful as an astronaut going to space without his suit.

I would give you the gift of time. As time passes by, you will need to bend along with the wind. Standing firm and proud may be good, but doing so all the time isn’t healthy. The immovable, big oak tree will fight and fall against a strong wind but the flexible reeds will let itself be carried along by the wind — unharmed and humbled.

I would give you the gift of time. As time passes by, you will be a leader — a force to be reckoned with. You will have to make decisions on your own, and only then will you realize that you can’t please everybody. Sacrifices are meant to be made in order to get things done as they should be. Compromises may happen but it’d usually only lead you to half-baked goods. You will someday learn that in the end, no matter how many people may have a say in your life, at the end of the day, the final decision is for you to make.

I would give you the gift of time if I can but I can only manage to give you my time. It may not be as priceless or as valuable as time itself but I’m only human. Time is too complex for me to wrap, too big for me to hold on to, and too infinite for me to keep.

Time is a fickle thing. One moment it’s there; the next it’s gone.

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Blind Trust

Blind trust, narrow-mindedness, and stubbornness.

These are scary qualities to be put together. Such a shame that I’d have to witness the union of these three qualities in one person who was supposed to lead me towards having a bright future. It’s a scary thought having to trust your future upon someone who’s so willing to put aside the quality education that you were supposed to receive just because she has put her trust in her alma mater.

It’s disappointing, moreso, if such person is your parent.

You practically can’t say anything to challenge them since you are at the receiving end. Beggars can’t be choosers as they say. We can’t afford to look ungrateful no matter how unhappy we are with our current situation.

Blind trust shouldn’t hinder a child from receiving quality education.

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Old Scars

ImageQuality over quantity.

It’s what they always say, isn’t it? It’s what they’d usually tell you when it comes to buying clothes, shoes, gadgets, furniture, and most especially when it comes to FRIENDS.

I’m quite touchy when it comes to this subject since I, for one, am not that sociable. Though I do seem to be approachable, I am quite picky when it comes to friends. And tell you what, it’ll probably happen to you too if you’ve had a first-hand experience of rejection and betrayal. It will sting at first. Believe me, it will hurt like hell. But time goes on and wounds turn into ugly scars which will forever remind you of the one event which would probably be the catalyst of change.

I have that scar.

It’s big. 

It’s hard to ignore.

It’s something that I’ve lived with for about 3 years now.

And just when I thought that things would be different, life had a funny way of reminding me that some people were just meant to teach me a hard lesson, then leave me behind — hanging on thin air.

Life’s a bitch.

I don’t need people who can only remember me when they need me for something then ignore me for the rest of the duration. Sorry, but I am not expendable and I am quite sure, that I will undoubtedly be a better person than you people would ever be. I may not have a lot of friends but I do have a few who are true to me whom I cherish. I don’t need to have a lot of people to surround me just to be stuck in an illusion that they’re all my friends when in reality they’re just glad that I’m there when they need something from me.

No, I am better than that.

And I just sincerely hope that someday, you’d grow out of your devices and wake up. Realize just what you’ve been missing on. Not from me but from the world which you had closed off in favor of letting yourselves believe that the world does revolve around you.

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