I remember looking up to you for years. Someone who managed to get along with just about anyone. Who always had something to say when it comes to games or gadgets. You would laugh, eat, and play. Just one of the boys — so typical. Somehow, you made yourself seem infallible to me.
You are unreachable. And that’s how it should always be.
I love you.
It wasn’t romantic. But it seemed to be so you. To not tell me how you feel and just instead act on it. You held my hand and it seemed so right. You weren’t infallible. I realized.
I saw you scared. I saw you angry. I saw how you got pissed with some antics. You weren’t unreachable.
You can play a lot of instruments and have a horrible singing voice but that’s fine. You’re still adorable either way. You slouch when you walk when you should walk straighter, you’d probably feel and look even better.
You never said forever. You would instead say, ‘We still have a lot of days ahead of us.‘ And that didn’t scare me the way forever did.
But I never said the words.
I always knew this day would come. I just hoped it didn’t come sooner.
You never held my hand even when we were with friends. You weren’t the most romantic. You would say ‘sorry‘ and I’d somehow acquiesce. But you’ve always done something to make things better. I tried to adjust.
You weren’t brave enough. And so was I.
I was never one for confrontations. But I don’t want to be that person anymore.
I might have loved you. I might have loved the thought of you. Or I might have loved you — plain and simple. It hurts. It had hurt. But it won’t hurt forever. Because on that day, our chapter on my book ended and my story will still go on.
I may not be strong enough to hold on but I’m strong enough to let go knowing that I deserve better.