His Story: One Look

Just as he walked out of the door, she comes in. He eyes wandered towards him for a moment before looking on forward. Seemingly eager to ignore his very existence. He continued walking towards his friends and was soon enough surrounded in laughter and jokes. From inside the room, he could hear her distinct laughter. He’d smile to himself and think bitterly, ‘what should’ve been mine‘. She’d waltz out of the room together with a friend to share stories with. To share her laughter with. And once again, he’d think to himself, ‘that should’ve been me‘.

The ‘should haves’ and ‘would haves’ were his deepest regrets. All this time they both knew of the truth. Sooner or later, something out of hand was bound to happen. Someone was bound to let go. They were both bound to hurt.

And now here he was, watching her from afar. His eyes would unknowingly seek for her. He’d find her in the middle of a crowd and he’d recognize her even from a distance. When they’d pass by, he’d ache to say just a single ‘hello’ or ‘hi’ to her. His heart would twinge and he’d feel weak inside. But why was he still holding on unto something so futile? What was he holding on to? What made him hope so much? It was all because of that one look she sent him. Maybe it was because of that. Because that look seemed to tell him, ‘please, don’t let go.’

balderdashrants

A/N:
I managed to dig this baby up in my facebook account. I wrote this around 3 years ago and I just left it unedited for old time’s sake. It’s accompaniment: Her Story: One Word

 

Her Story: One Word

She was just another girl waiting for the day to end. Wanting to close her eyes and just to let the day quickly pass by. Staring up at the ceiling in the dark room waiting for the dreamworld to engulf her in its silliness and atrociousness. Just one second, just one blink and everything came back to her like a big wave. What she tried to hide. What she tried to forget. What she tried to throw away. All of it seemed to happen only yesterday.

Only yesterday when he held her hand. Him looking down at her with a soft smile. Him pulling her up just when everything seemed down. When they’d chat endlessly about random stuff until the sleep would seem just another necessity. When they had the world all to themselves. When they still had words to say. Words to hear. Words to speak. When all it mattered was just them and not what others thought. When those small smiles would make her heart flutter and small hellos would mean the world. When the shared laughter would be a memory and when love quotes were what connected them. They were immature and happy. They were foolish and eccentric. But that was their world and that was them.

That was the past‘ she thought. The past she treasured so much. Too much.The past she’d been holding on for all this time. The past she’d been willing to risk everything for. He wasn’t the first in her heart – she knew she wasn’t the first in his heart too – but he was the first one to make her shed tears. Though it had hurt, she still managed to laugh around him for days when every single second, she felt her heart tear apart into shreds. But it didn’t last long. She didn’t expect it to happen. But that was what she loved about him, he managed to make her unbelievable world believable.

This was their past the past she still held on to. Unconsciously. Surprisingly. Unexpectedly. Because just when she thought it was easy to let go of the past, one smile could make her fall down on her knees. Because all this time…. one word… just one word could’ve changed everything. One word they both failed to say. One word which her heart is screaming out. One word which still made tears fall down her cheeks. Just one single word which she wished to hear…

Stay.

balderdashrants

A/N:
I managed to dig this baby up in my facebook account. I wrote this around 3 years ago and I just left it unedited for old time’s sake. It’s accompaniment: His Story: One Look

Of Relationships and Distance

ImageDistance.

It’s a scary thought once you’re in a relationship. The thought of your partner being miles and miles — even timezones — away from you is heartbreaking. There are sayings about distance, and the two of which with situations that I can easily pick off my brain are:

Distance makes the heart grow fonder.

This is for the couple who — despite the distance — still remain loyal to each other. I say loyal because let’s face it, there would be times wherein you’re just in the verge of giving up and you just want to throw everything away. One day, you’d find yourself looking at other men/women thinking of “What if…”. Then you’d go home, drained and exhausted. You turn on your Skype or FaceTime and then you’re reminded of just why you even managed to hold on despite the distance. One text, one call, one message, and suddenly, everything makes sense to you. Whatever has transgressed during the day will all be in the past because the one reason why you held on for so long would be there in front of you. Because your heart’s loyalty overrides the unconsciousness’ promiscuity.

Out of sight, out of mind.

This is for the couples who can’t stand being away from each other and they’d find another company instead. It may be a mutual decision, it may not be so too. But what’s clear is that when your partner is away, you just can’t help but find yourself eyeing — or maybe even flirting with — another person. This kind of “arrangement” (if you could call it as such) is usually common to those who aren’t used to the absence of their partners. It’s either that or they just can’t stand being alone. Physically speaking. These would usually involve flirting episodes, just enough to let someone know you’re interested in them but are not serious enough to be committed with them because like it or not, you are already committed. But when your partner’s back in town, that connection is over. In a way, you’re just using someone to fill in the empty space that your partner left you with when he/she left.

These two situations are quite common, yes. But then again, there is also another situation which is also probably happened to some couples.

So, I guess this is me…

…saying good-bye. Buckets of ice cold water poured down on you. Shattered dreams. You’re losing ground. You’re drifting apart. Sometimes, distance just can’t handle it. There’ll be a time when the communication just isn’t enough to appease your wants and needs. But there are also situations wherein the couples would decide to hold off their relationship. They’d go on with their lives without their ex-partners. Try to see if there’s someone else out there for them. Some would probably say that they’re immature for letting go of what they already had. But maybe it’s also a way for them to see the possible chances that they’re missing out on.

balderdashrants

A/N
If possible, I’d want to personally hear from you on what your thoughts are on LDRs, if you’re in one, I’d like to know of your situation too. I personally have a couple of friends who are in LDRs and I’m glad to say that they’re all going strong 🙂
And also, I don’t really like what I’ve written much.. it’s like something’s just not there. And, I’m writing this while I’m feeling kind of out-of-there, so forgive this sloppily written post. I’ll edit this someday.

When Artists Fall

You see, the thing about artists is that when they’d fall for you hard, you are immortalized.

When a singer falls in love, you might just as well find yourself in their songs. You’d see a whole side of you that you never knew and all you can do is to let yourself be lulled in that sweet lullaby that they wrote for you. Their voice will tell you just what you are to them. Lost your favorite pair of earrings? You might just find it lost in the lyrics.

When a painter falls in love, you might just as well find yourself in their canvass. You’d see what you once thought was an imperfection as the missing puzzle piece to their favorite masterpiece. The subtle lines, the playful way that the colors contrast. It’ll all show the hidden shadows in your life that you just want to bury. Having a hard time to smile? The canvass might as well be your mirror.

When a writer falls in love, you might just as well find yourself in their papers. You’d be reading just how much of a menace you are to them. How the thought of you just makes them want to keep on writing all those nonsensical words oozing with sugar and honey. Among all those words, you’d be reading how the hesitant writer falls in love. Slowly at first, then suddenly, they fall all at once. And by then, they’d be to petrified to grab hold of a pen and paper because suddenly, words can’t justify their feelings. You at loss for words? You might find the perfect words amidst the writer’s jumbled thoughts.

Like a Moth to a Flame

Image

She’ll attract you like a moth to the flame. Then, you’d get burned. But even with that burning sensation, you decide to stay.

Why?

Because it’s the pain that makes you feel alive. It’s the pain that makes you want to stay. You stay because you’d think that maybe — just maybe — the pain that you’ve cause yourself would be all worth it in the end.

She’s the challenge that you’ve been looking for. Before you’ve encountered her, your life was probably monotonous, dull… boring. It was probably a routine you wanted to break out of. Then she came. She became that challenge that’d give you the adrenaline rush that you badly needed. She became the challenge that you so loved to conquer. She became the challenge that you wanted to risk everything to.

You loved the challenge. The feeling of being acknowledged. The feeling that your existence wasn’t merely ignored. Someone actually took notice of you and you pushed yourself to your limits just to continue being acknowledged. Because only when you are acknowledged do you feel alive.

Then the pain became too much.

You gave it all you’ve got to her… or you thought you did, but either way, you’ve gotten tired of it all. You all up and leave, leaving it all behind as ashes to be caught in the wind. You want to stay away from the flame and go back to the dull life you once had. The life that you had before you found the challenge in her. But it’s too late. You’re all dried up. Singed to the bone. You feel drained after all those times that you chased after her. You forget just who you really once were before she came in to your life. Because when you walked away, you just became a hollow shell of what was once you.

You find caring hard… you want to stop caring. Then, you just don’t care at all. You become numb.

She’ll attract you like a moth to the flame. She’ll be the challenge that you wanted — that you needed. Then in the end, you’ll walk away losing everything you once had for yourself. All because you let your adrenaline take the best of you. All because of the flame that challenged the little moth in you.

balderdastrants

A/N: co-written with an awesome friend of mine who wants to stay anonymous, R.A.L. 😉